Creativity Notebook

Hodgdon Meadow

The smell of fresh pine fills the campsite. Elegant clouds float overhead while the branches from the trees sway in the light breeze. The birds are enjoying the cool fall weather. Squirrels climb from tree to tree and dash from bush to bush. They are accustomed to visitors and move freely, without caution. A large tent sat in the middle of the site. A few feet away there was an old wooden picnic table near a fire pit. There were still some small pieces of wood leftover from the last campers who stayed the night. Two hammocks were set up on some massive trees near the tent. The rope holding up one of the hammocks gently brushed against the thick red bark as the short man swung gently from side to side. The man was about 5’ 6” with a thick black beard and mustache. Another man sat on the bench a few feet away from him. He was about 5’ 8” and had long hair that was wrapped into a bun. He had a black shirt on and was wearing sunglasses.
“It’s crazy man. When I first got here and started setting up camp, I kept reaching for my phone every few minutes. I kept forgetting that there was no service. I kept wanting to check my Instagram, Reddit, messages… a few minutes would pass by and my natural instinct was to pull out my phone again” the man said as he chuckled lightly.
He was laying in the hammock with his hands behind his head. His hat covered part of his face to keep the sun rays that pierced through the canopy of trees out of his eyes.
“After a few hours, I just stopped checking my phone” the man said. He looked pretty uneasy in the hammock.
“Yeah it’s super weird how quiet it is out here” the man sitting at the table said.
His name was Roger. He had arrived in the afternoon after finishing up class.
“At one point, I was starting to get a little scared,” the man said as he sat up in the hammock to make eye contact with Roger. The man’s name was Luis. He looked a little rough around the edges.
“I think it’s because I was left all alone with my thoughts. I started to think I was crazy” Luis said.
“Why were you scared?” Roger asked. He expressed genuine interest and concern.
“I don’t know if it was that weed that my brother gave me or that coffee I got in the valley, but I started to get some pretty crazy anxiety” he was shaking his foot in the hammock.
“I started to realize that I don’t usually have a few hours in the day without distractions from my cell phone or from other people. I don’t usually have time to myself” the man scratched his thick beard.
“When I am home, all of my time is tied up with Maria and Thalia. At work, I am always busy and every minute of my day is occupied in meetings, personnel issues, equipment issues, emails….” he let out a deep sigh.
“It felt weird to be alone with my thoughts for more than a few minutes at a time. I felt like my mind was trying to lead me to someplace I had never been before” Luis said as his gaze cut deeply into the sky.
Roger was looking at his cousin as if he had gone crazy.
“This guy must be high high” he thought to himself.
“Dude that sounds crazy” is what Roger actually said out loud.
“I honestly didn’t like that feeling at all. I felt like I needed someone to talk to or a screen in front of my face to distract me from my own thoughts. I didn’t want to be alone”.
A large camper pulled into the campsite next to theirs. It was about 50 feet away. There were lots of trees in between each campsite with plenty of space for a few tents. Luis was slightly annoyed. He didn’t like to see other people while he was camping. He liked to go camping to get away from people.
“I felt like I was having a panic attack so I listened to my meditation stuff on Audible.” Luis continued.
“It helped me relax. I started to think about my daughter and how much I missed her. I was seriously questioning whether or not I have been a good father to her the past 8 years” he said.
“Thoughts about how I am doing as a manager at work and a husband at home started attacking my mind” Luis said with affliction in his voice.
“I was questioning everything about my life and I literally felt like I was depressed. I had never felt like that before” the man laid his head back in the hammock and took a deep breath.

While all this was happening when I was by myself earlier, I took the stylus out of my phone and started to jot down all of my feelings. I took a spiritual dump onto my phone. This moment now digitally imprinted forever. At the end of this note to myself, I wrote Read this to yourself everyday, as if my other personality would be reading this later. Am I crazy? Is the “enlightened” me leaving an SOS message for the “robot” me that will have to return back to the real world in a few days?

“Yeah shits crazy man. I was trippin out” Luis finished his sentence and seemed to be his normal self again. Or at least he pretended that everything was normal.
Roger was still sitting on the bench and didn’t have many words to offer.
“Well that’s the main reason I came out here man” Roger said in a chill tone hoping to change the subject.
“Work and school have been busy and life has been moving way too fast” He cracked open a Lagunitas beer.
“I needed a little break from all those responsibilities”. He said as he took something out of his backpack. He had a joint that was wrapped in a plastic container. The label read “Peanut Butter Breath”.
“You wanna spark this up” Roger asked.
I passed him a lighter. He flicked the lighter a few times before he finally produced a flame. He lit the joint and took a few inhales. He passed it to me. I laid back in the hammock and took a long hit as I looked up at the sky. The trees dominated my view and the branches swayed back and forth sending small pine needles down to the floor. I took another hit and closed my eyes. The smoke evaporated into the air. Just like the words that I had just spoken. Gone forever.

Drink Tahoe Brew Pt. 1

Headed to Tahoe for the weekend with the Gang. Loaded up the 4runner and off we went. There are seven members in this gang but only five could make it. One of the guys was taking antibiotics and the other had just gotten out of the hospital for an illness he has been battling on and off his entire life (pray for him). They were with us in spirit. We blazed it up for them.
We left Oakdale at 9:00AM on Friday morning. Google said it would take three hours to get to Heavenly. The drive was full of beautiful white clouds, rolling green hills, and sparking white snow. One hour into the ride and my brother wanted to see Lucy. He has a thing for Lucy. I think he loves her. It was one of the main reasons he came on this trip. We all had our own reasons for wanting to go on this trip.
Why was I on this trip you ask? Because I needed to take a break from the Matrix. Because the corporate office has been driving me nuts. Because I believe if you are going to work hard, then you need to play just as hard. Not just hard, Harder.

Let’s rewind a little bit shall we so you can get a better perspective of where im coming from.
I had been thinking about this trip every day for the past few months since we planned it in late November. Once or twice a day the details of the trip would run through my head in vivid detail.

Thinking of the delicious ales I would drink at the brewery… while I was in meetings at work.

Thinking of the smooth flowers that I would inhale at the cabin… while I was doing my homework.

Thinking of the toadstool that would allow my conscious to bury the ego… while i was on my Peloton ride.

Some nights I couldn’t even sleep just trying to plan the trip out. I usually get this way when I have an exciting trip coming up. Im sure im not the only one.

Right????

Two of the guys stayed at my house that Thursday night. They live in the bay area and didn’t want to have to deal with the “rat race” traffic on a Friday morning. Smart move. They got to my house at 9:08PM and we decided to get the party started so we went to the best dive bar in town to get a few drinks. The Battered Beaver is the name of the bar. We walked in…. The bass was pumping, the drinks were pouring, the lights were flashing, crickets were chirping…. It was dead quiet and there were only about 3 other people there. That didn’t really matter. We were there to enjoy each others company and pregame. Three IPAs and three Blue Moons were guzzled to prepare the liver for the adventure ahead.
Back at the house, we inhaled a wedding cake and watched Mr. Robot S1E1. I found myself stuck and nodding my head in agreement to:

“Oh, I don’t know. Is it that we collectively thought Steve Jobs was a great man even when we knew he made billions off the backs of children?… Or maybe it’s that it feels like all our heroes are counterfeit. The world itself’s just one big hoax. Spamming each other with our burning commentary bullshit masquerading as insight. Our social media faking as intimacy. Or is it that we voted for this. Not with our rigged elections but with our things, our property, our money. I’m not saying anything new, we all know we do this, not because “Hunger Games” books make us happy, but because we want to be sedated. Because it’s painful not to pretend because we’re cowards… F – – society”.

Deeper than the Abyss. Sad but true… After that episode I was ready for sleep. Eight more hours and we would be off to Tahoe!!!!

I couldn’t take another step. How was everyone else walking so much faster than me? I can’t look weak. I feel weak. I’m the one who invited everyone on this trip. I need to lose weight.
“Do you want me to carry the bag?” he said.
“No I got” as I stumbled on.
My knees felt like worn out brake pads. My green backpack felt like it was full of rocks. We had originally planned to camp on top of El Capitan but when we reached the summit earlier that day, Roger realized he was afraid of heights. Victor and Michael were arguing the entire hike up there. Fighting like five year olds.
I felt my body going in and out of consciousness. I was tired and thirsty. I had never put my body through anything as strenuous as this. It was getting close to 8PM and it started to get dark. I remember crossing this bridge and these broken down trees. We are getting close to the car. I’ve been remembering location points for the past couple hours and for some reason the more I walked, the farther away my car seemed. Finally we start to smell smoke from the campfires. That means we are getting very close to our trailhead. A man throwing away trash into one of those large brown bear proof garbage cans sees us and asks us how the hike went. I didn’t have energy for words. I needed water or a gatorade. Someone in the group told him it was a great hike. He asks why we have such heavy backpacks for a day hike. I wanted to throw something at him for that comment but I didn’t have the energy. We were about 100 yards from the car and I told my brother to play “We are the Champions” on his speaker. I was so happy when we got back to the care. The music made it feel like we were in a music video and we had just accomplished the greatest thing that mankind has ever accomplished. To this day when i hear that song, I am taken back to that mountain and relive the day I hiked El Capitan.

• 

Res·pite

a short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant.
“the refugee encampments will provide some respite from the suffering”

Stress….. We have all felt it. Deadlines. Priorities. Emails. Text messages. Social media. Bad news. Health issues. The list goes on and on. I had such a busy a week at work during Week 7 and I had allotted an entire day to catch up on the homework and assignments to get caught up for this class. When I logged in to Blackboard and read this communication, I felt such a burden lifted from my shoulders. My instructor provided some respite from the stress of life. Since I had already told my wife and daughter that I was committing an entire day to studies, I utilized that time to watch the youtube videos that Dr. Ogden had recommended in her announcement. The video about gratitude was exactly what I needed to see at that moment. The nature photographer inspired me to go outside so I asked my family if they wanted to go for a bike ride to the ice cream shop. We did just that. My wife and daughter jumped on their bikes and I hopped on my skateboard. What a beautiful day it was outside. I was very grateful to have a teacher who is compassionate about the mental health of her students. It was refreshing and inspiring. This was a great source of inspiration to get through the final push of the term. Thank you Dr. Ogden.

I hope that this video can provide some respite today for anyone who views it.